And then you were here...

Andra,

I started to come back to being conscience and the first thing I thought of was you which was quickly followed by the searing pain I felt in my belly. It felt like someone cut me open and I realized, Duh... Blythe, you did get cut open. I could hear voices, including your Dad, I tried so hard to open my eyes. I felt like yelling about the pain I was in but I couldn't seem to get any words out. After what felt like an hour, reality minutes, I was finally able to mumble a barely audible, it hurts. Thankfully your Dad heard me and asked me if I said it hurts I got out a mmm hmm and he told the nurse. I heard her say she would get some pain meds going and then I continued to wait in pain with what seemed like forever. I was finally able to open my eyes and saw your Dad and family members. All of this part was quite a blur. Coming off the gas was a struggle and the pain in my belly was hard to ignore. I guess I asked about you and your Dad showed me a picture. All I could manage was to say, "That's my girl. She is beautiful."

The nurse finally got the pain medications set up and it took another 30 minutes for them to actually kick in. I hurt and I was so tired. I drifted in and out a lot but I remember your Grandma Reid leaned over and she told me she had looked up the name Andra and the meaning of it. Your Dad and I had picked a few names for you but never decided on one.

Lillian
Andra
Rebecca

Andra is your Grandma Starkie's middle name and I have always thought it was unique and beautiful. Then when I heard the meaning it made it that much more special. It means courageous and strong. I still was not sure that it would be your name as I had not seen you yet.

On the way to my room where I would be recovering the nurse offered to wheel me to the NICU so I could see you. Your Dad was able to see you and I was anxious to see you myself. On the ride I got really sick and threw up a couple times. It is a unique experience to get wheeled into the NICU while in your hospital bed. We entered the NICU and it was hard for me to process all I was seeing. They pulled me up next to your isolette they raised my bed as high as it would go and lowered your bed as low as it would go. I tried my hardest to push myself up higher so I could get a better look at you but my stomach felt like it was going to rip open. All I saw was your tiny little outline and I was not allowed to even touch you. This was not what I had dreamed of. I couldn't hold you and I could barely even see you. My heart ached. I was so happy you were doing well but it was so intimidating and scary seeing how small you were and all the wires hooked up to you. The NICU nurses all asked if I knew what your name would be and I heard myself saying Andra Blythe. Apparently I was still not very clear when speaking and thankfully your Dad knows me well and made sure to repeat what I said. You see, my name means joyous and it was a joyous day when you entered our lives.

Andra Blythe Starkie

We were only there for a few minutes before I was being wheeled away to my recovery room. It was all such a blur. I was at work the day before and going in for a normal OBGYN appointment and now you were here and in the NICU. You were a small 2 lbs. 3 oz. 15 inches long and fighting your own battles. I sat in disbelief that it all happened. It didn't feel real and I had phantom feelings of you moving in my belly. It was all a sleepy blur.

That is your Daddy's hand in these pictures so you can know just how small you were.

D-Day (Delivery Day)

Little Miss Andra,

I had this image in my mind even before being pregnant that I would get to have a full term baby vaginally. I would be able to do skin-to-skin (Kangaroo Care) immediately after birth and then I would breast feed my sweet baby and it would be wonderful. I was even okay with the idea if I had it have a c-section. What I never thought about was quickly becoming our reality.

I somehow made it through the longest night of my life, I give all the credit to you. Your movements and that sweet sound of your heartbeat were so comforting. My blood pressure was finally coming down and the nurses and doctors were convinced that I would be able to at least make it the 48 hours needed for the two steroid shots. I started to relax a little bit.

Your Dad came back up to the hospital early in the morning and I was so happy to see his face. He pulled up a chair next to my bed and told me to get some more sleep. He held my hand and watched a show on the iPad with his ear phones in. I started to dose off when I noticed I couldn't hear your heart beat. I quickly sat up and pressed the dopplers on my belly to see if I could hear it, at times you would move and I wouldn't be able to hear you for a minute. Your Dad asked if everything was okay and I told him I couldn't hear your heart beat. I could not find it. Seconds later three nurses came into the room and told me that they were concerned they couldn't hear your heartbeat. They had me move in different positions to try and find it. One nurse started to explain that she had to push a button and once the button was pushed there would be ten people rushing into the room to get me into the operating room. They pushed the button and in rushed a ton of people. They started yanking cords from the wall and I heard them tell your Dad they would be back for him. I started trembling and crying. I was so scared. I looked at your Dad and he told me it would be okay and that he loved me the next thing I know we are crashing through the doors into the operating room. They moved me to the operating table. I started to ball and hyperventilate and can vaguely remember me saying, "Is this really happening?" There was a nurse that stood over my head, her eyes were kind, and she told me that it was really happening and it was going to be okay. She asked me to breathe and they put the mask on my face to knock me out. I sat there breathing, tears running down my face and terrified for both of us. I was so scared what would happen to you and for some reason I was scared I wouldn't ever wake up. I made myself focus on the nurse's eyes that were over my head. Then darkness....

University of Utah Hospital

Andra, when I got to the hospital I was under the impression that I would just be monitored for a couple hours and then sent home.  I got myself all checked in and they hooked me up to an automatic blood pressure cuff that took my blood pressure every ten minutes.  They also put dopplers on my belly so they could monitor your heart beat.

The Dr. came in and told me they would need to put me on a medication to try to bring down my blood pressure.  She also told me that I needed to call your Dad and tell him to come up to the hospital.  They were beating around the bush a lot and not really giving me much information on a "plan of attack" but they kept mentioning a possible hospital stay until your due date or having you within the next 24 hours... I started to worry. I was getting scared because no one would give me a straight answer on what was going on. I tried my hardest to calm down and be happy. The sound of your sweet whooshing heartbeat was beautiful. I felt alone in that room waiting for your Dad but I knew I wasn't. I wanted everything to be okay and all I could think to do was pray and hum, "A Child's Prayer," over and over. It helped calm me down but I was so nervous for the unknown.

Finally your Dad came walking through the door and my heart swelled with love and thanks for him. Just having him with me helped greatly. When the Dr. came back she explained that my blood pressure was not coming down and that they were quite concerned about it because it was not healthy for me or you. They asked if I was comfortable getting a steroid shot to help progress your lung development in case you came early. They prefer giving two shots in a 48 hour period 24 hours apart so I told them yes and they gave it to me. They then told me that I would need to be admitted to the Labor and Delivery floor for further  monitoring and that I would not be going home. I took the news in stride but was really nervous inside.

I was moved to Labor and Delivery and called my parents to let them know what was going on. I asked my Dad if he would be available to give me a priesthood blessing with your Dad. He said yes and they would be up in a bit. Your Dad left to go get some things for me at home and I was alone with you again listening to your heartbeat. The nurse came in and set me up on Magnesia and a Catheter.

I had all these thoughts in my head about what I would like to hear in the blessing. I wanted to hear that my blood pressure would come down, I could go home on bed rest, that you would continue growing and would be healthy and that I would be healthy.

My parents and your Dad finally came in and they proceeded with the blessing. Your Dad anointed the oil because he was too choked up and worried to say the blessing so my Dad gave the blessing. The blessing is not at all what I was expecting/hoping to hear. Your Grandpa blessed us with strength to deal with the challenges that had come to us, that we would feel of our Heavenly Father's love, that whatever the outcome we would get through it and be okay. I remember feeling disappointed at first but am so thankful for that blessing. Andra, it is exactly what we both needed and I know that this gospel is true. Our Father in Heaven knows each of us and is very aware of our needs, even more than we think we know ourselves. We must have faith in him. I am also extremely thankful that we have priesthood holders in our family that can give us blessings. I truly believe that because of that blessing we were able to overcome the hurdles that were coming our way.

I made your Dad go home that night so he could get some good sleep and I settled in with you in my belly. It was a LONG night. My blood pressure cuff went off every 15 minutes, they had to collect my urine every hour and they had to check my vitals every hour. The only thing good about that night was the constant sound of  your whooshing heart beat.