And then you were here...

Andra,

I started to come back to being conscience and the first thing I thought of was you which was quickly followed by the searing pain I felt in my belly. It felt like someone cut me open and I realized, Duh... Blythe, you did get cut open. I could hear voices, including your Dad, I tried so hard to open my eyes. I felt like yelling about the pain I was in but I couldn't seem to get any words out. After what felt like an hour, reality minutes, I was finally able to mumble a barely audible, it hurts. Thankfully your Dad heard me and asked me if I said it hurts I got out a mmm hmm and he told the nurse. I heard her say she would get some pain meds going and then I continued to wait in pain with what seemed like forever. I was finally able to open my eyes and saw your Dad and family members. All of this part was quite a blur. Coming off the gas was a struggle and the pain in my belly was hard to ignore. I guess I asked about you and your Dad showed me a picture. All I could manage was to say, "That's my girl. She is beautiful."

The nurse finally got the pain medications set up and it took another 30 minutes for them to actually kick in. I hurt and I was so tired. I drifted in and out a lot but I remember your Grandma Reid leaned over and she told me she had looked up the name Andra and the meaning of it. Your Dad and I had picked a few names for you but never decided on one.

Lillian
Andra
Rebecca

Andra is your Grandma Starkie's middle name and I have always thought it was unique and beautiful. Then when I heard the meaning it made it that much more special. It means courageous and strong. I still was not sure that it would be your name as I had not seen you yet.

On the way to my room where I would be recovering the nurse offered to wheel me to the NICU so I could see you. Your Dad was able to see you and I was anxious to see you myself. On the ride I got really sick and threw up a couple times. It is a unique experience to get wheeled into the NICU while in your hospital bed. We entered the NICU and it was hard for me to process all I was seeing. They pulled me up next to your isolette they raised my bed as high as it would go and lowered your bed as low as it would go. I tried my hardest to push myself up higher so I could get a better look at you but my stomach felt like it was going to rip open. All I saw was your tiny little outline and I was not allowed to even touch you. This was not what I had dreamed of. I couldn't hold you and I could barely even see you. My heart ached. I was so happy you were doing well but it was so intimidating and scary seeing how small you were and all the wires hooked up to you. The NICU nurses all asked if I knew what your name would be and I heard myself saying Andra Blythe. Apparently I was still not very clear when speaking and thankfully your Dad knows me well and made sure to repeat what I said. You see, my name means joyous and it was a joyous day when you entered our lives.

Andra Blythe Starkie

We were only there for a few minutes before I was being wheeled away to my recovery room. It was all such a blur. I was at work the day before and going in for a normal OBGYN appointment and now you were here and in the NICU. You were a small 2 lbs. 3 oz. 15 inches long and fighting your own battles. I sat in disbelief that it all happened. It didn't feel real and I had phantom feelings of you moving in my belly. It was all a sleepy blur.

That is your Daddy's hand in these pictures so you can know just how small you were.