D-Day (Delivery Day)

Little Miss Andra,

I had this image in my mind even before being pregnant that I would get to have a full term baby vaginally. I would be able to do skin-to-skin (Kangaroo Care) immediately after birth and then I would breast feed my sweet baby and it would be wonderful. I was even okay with the idea if I had it have a c-section. What I never thought about was quickly becoming our reality.

I somehow made it through the longest night of my life, I give all the credit to you. Your movements and that sweet sound of your heartbeat were so comforting. My blood pressure was finally coming down and the nurses and doctors were convinced that I would be able to at least make it the 48 hours needed for the two steroid shots. I started to relax a little bit.

Your Dad came back up to the hospital early in the morning and I was so happy to see his face. He pulled up a chair next to my bed and told me to get some more sleep. He held my hand and watched a show on the iPad with his ear phones in. I started to dose off when I noticed I couldn't hear your heart beat. I quickly sat up and pressed the dopplers on my belly to see if I could hear it, at times you would move and I wouldn't be able to hear you for a minute. Your Dad asked if everything was okay and I told him I couldn't hear your heart beat. I could not find it. Seconds later three nurses came into the room and told me that they were concerned they couldn't hear your heartbeat. They had me move in different positions to try and find it. One nurse started to explain that she had to push a button and once the button was pushed there would be ten people rushing into the room to get me into the operating room. They pushed the button and in rushed a ton of people. They started yanking cords from the wall and I heard them tell your Dad they would be back for him. I started trembling and crying. I was so scared. I looked at your Dad and he told me it would be okay and that he loved me the next thing I know we are crashing through the doors into the operating room. They moved me to the operating table. I started to ball and hyperventilate and can vaguely remember me saying, "Is this really happening?" There was a nurse that stood over my head, her eyes were kind, and she told me that it was really happening and it was going to be okay. She asked me to breathe and they put the mask on my face to knock me out. I sat there breathing, tears running down my face and terrified for both of us. I was so scared what would happen to you and for some reason I was scared I wouldn't ever wake up. I made myself focus on the nurse's eyes that were over my head. Then darkness....